SO many things to update you all on. Last month Nik and I went for our psychological evaluation. The Dr. was a LMHC here locally who deals with fertility issues in families. It was so laid back and low pressure. I've been told that some couples are put through a personality profile test and a counseling session. This was just like a counseling session with basic questions to make sure I wasn't going to have attachment issues with the baby after and try to steal it, what kind of support I had with in my family and friends or that this process would make my marriage fall apart. Once we were given the thumbs up by the DR. we were ready to move on to the physical stuff. Later that afternoon Nik and I went to an IVF seminar that CRM the IVF clinic makes every family go to that use them. The IPs went too and Nik got to meet them for the first time. We sat through the boring seminar with a TON of other couples who were about to start the IVF process too. After the seminar the four of us went out for dinner. We hit it off wonderfully. I've known the IP's since December 2012 but have only gotten to spend time with them 4 times before so it was really nice getting to know each other when we are not touring birth centers, meeting specialists and going over specifics. a few days later I went in to meet our IVF specialists Dr. Jaffe. She and I hit it off immediately. She though I was a perfect candidate to be a surrogate health wise and personally since "She's a doula AND Jewish, she's perfect!" I'm quoting the Dr. who had noticed my Star of David necklace and she herself happen to be Jewish.
The month prior the IP's had come to town to find an IVF specialists and interview the midwife I had chosen. They loved her and were excited to have all of that out of the way especially after having a difficult time finding an IFV DR. who was willing to keep appointments after the IPs had driven up from Miami just to interview them. We had our IVF clinic, Midwife and birth center chosen.
Big Thank you Tree of Life Birth and GYN for accommodating me and my IPs on your day off and between births to meet with my out of town IP's. Kaleen Made such an impression on them and are looking forward to working with the Tree of life staff.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Monday, May 20, 2013
Our big announcement
I have "my family"!!
We've decided to get through all the screenings and contract/financial negations before we announced it but we have gone through everything now with no issues so I can officially announcement that we are all systems go with the IP (Intended parents) and ready to proceed with the IVF process next month. with any luck I shoud be pregnant by August or September. I'm not going to use their names in this blog to protect their privacy. I am beyond excited to start and I'm bonding so well with the IP as I had hoped I would.
More updates coming very soon!
We've decided to get through all the screenings and contract/financial negations before we announced it but we have gone through everything now with no issues so I can officially announcement that we are all systems go with the IP (Intended parents) and ready to proceed with the IVF process next month. with any luck I shoud be pregnant by August or September. I'm not going to use their names in this blog to protect their privacy. I am beyond excited to start and I'm bonding so well with the IP as I had hoped I would.
More updates coming very soon!
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Is this MY couple?
Its may now (2013). Mothers day is this Sunday and my birthday (5/17) is just a few days after that. LOTS of things have been happening in the last few months that I have, for the most part, kept to myself and close friends.
Back in December I met with a potential couple. Just a few weeks later I got a call that they liked me and wanted to proceed with using me as their surrogate if I would have them. While deciding if they were the couple for me I weighed the pros and cons.
Cons,
-I had only met them once and meeting someone once doesn't give you enough to go on if they are "the couple" to carry a baby for. They were so sweet and loving and their story of infertility was heart breaking but were they MY couple?One 2 hour brunch was not really enough to go on.
-Another con was, they had already had a successful natural pregnancy and now a beautiful 2 year old girl from it. I guess the image I had in my head of the couple was a childless one so that took some time for me to get past as well.
-Also at the time they were not sold on the idea of a birth center birth but were open to being persuaded.
Its a small con list and honestly, nothing on that list was a deal breaker or even really a big deal. My Pro list is fortunately much longer than the con.
Pro's
-The Intended Parents (IP) only wanted to put in one egg at a time. The mother lost her uterus in an high intervention birth with her daughter just 18 months prior. She does still have her ovaries and since she had no problems getting pregnant the first time and is young and healthy, she has nice healthy fresh eggs which give us a good chance of getting pregnant the first try with just the one. This is important to me because if I end up carrying multiples I can no longer deliver in a birthing center since my #1 wish was an out of hospital birth. Also should it be more than just twins I was not going to allow selective termination which is common for more than twins. That's just not something I'm comfortable having on my conscious.I'm not judging those who have, its just not for me. I've lost a baby before in pregnancy and I think that would do more harm for me emotionally.
-Because of having a having an high intervention birth just 18 months prior they wanted someone who was going to go at the pregnancy in a more natural minded and healthy way than most do. Since I'm a birth doula thats kind of my thing so we are a good fit there.
-Having the embryo's genetically tested before implanting was also high on my list. I didn't want to have to be worried about carrying a baby that may end up unhealthy for whatever reason and later have them make the decision to terminate the pregnancy because of it and try again.
-They want to be involved in the pregnancy process as much as possible and wanted to bond and have a relationship with me and my family which was one of my hopes for this. I don't want to be just a "womb for rent" for a family, not have involvement or keep in touch after the baby is born which I hear does happen.
-The IP have a big loving, supportive extended family living very close by and who want to be involved in all of this too which I think is wonderful since I am not close with anyone in my family except my sister.
-They (after meeting my midwife and touring the birth center I have chosen Tree of life birth center ) loved my midwife Kaleen and were completly on board with the out of hospital birth. They said she had such passion for what she does, trusted her skills and she had a beautiful office and birth center and that since the birth center was so close to the hospital they felt very secure in having me birth there.
-The IP's were completely on board with my requests for "extras" which were for a complete chiropractic pregnancy package and the birth doula of my choosing since I am doing this naturally I think having a doula is important and I'm not just saying that since I happen to be a doula.
Since meeting these IP back in December 2012 and their now almost 2 year old daughter (she's SO adorable) I've met with them a few more times. They came up to meet my midwife, tour the birth center and to shop around the central Florida area for a fertility clinic. Even if they didn't go with me Orlando is home to some of the best IVF specialists in the country and since the rest of the other surrogates are spread out all over FL so it seemed like a good place to start their search.
I'll keep you all posted on future updates.
Back in December I met with a potential couple. Just a few weeks later I got a call that they liked me and wanted to proceed with using me as their surrogate if I would have them. While deciding if they were the couple for me I weighed the pros and cons.
Cons,
-I had only met them once and meeting someone once doesn't give you enough to go on if they are "the couple" to carry a baby for. They were so sweet and loving and their story of infertility was heart breaking but were they MY couple?One 2 hour brunch was not really enough to go on.
-Another con was, they had already had a successful natural pregnancy and now a beautiful 2 year old girl from it. I guess the image I had in my head of the couple was a childless one so that took some time for me to get past as well.
-Also at the time they were not sold on the idea of a birth center birth but were open to being persuaded.
Its a small con list and honestly, nothing on that list was a deal breaker or even really a big deal. My Pro list is fortunately much longer than the con.
Pro's
-The Intended Parents (IP) only wanted to put in one egg at a time. The mother lost her uterus in an high intervention birth with her daughter just 18 months prior. She does still have her ovaries and since she had no problems getting pregnant the first time and is young and healthy, she has nice healthy fresh eggs which give us a good chance of getting pregnant the first try with just the one. This is important to me because if I end up carrying multiples I can no longer deliver in a birthing center since my #1 wish was an out of hospital birth. Also should it be more than just twins I was not going to allow selective termination which is common for more than twins. That's just not something I'm comfortable having on my conscious.I'm not judging those who have, its just not for me. I've lost a baby before in pregnancy and I think that would do more harm for me emotionally.
-Because of having a having an high intervention birth just 18 months prior they wanted someone who was going to go at the pregnancy in a more natural minded and healthy way than most do. Since I'm a birth doula thats kind of my thing so we are a good fit there.
-Having the embryo's genetically tested before implanting was also high on my list. I didn't want to have to be worried about carrying a baby that may end up unhealthy for whatever reason and later have them make the decision to terminate the pregnancy because of it and try again.
-They want to be involved in the pregnancy process as much as possible and wanted to bond and have a relationship with me and my family which was one of my hopes for this. I don't want to be just a "womb for rent" for a family, not have involvement or keep in touch after the baby is born which I hear does happen.
-The IP have a big loving, supportive extended family living very close by and who want to be involved in all of this too which I think is wonderful since I am not close with anyone in my family except my sister.
-They (after meeting my midwife and touring the birth center I have chosen Tree of life birth center ) loved my midwife Kaleen and were completly on board with the out of hospital birth. They said she had such passion for what she does, trusted her skills and she had a beautiful office and birth center and that since the birth center was so close to the hospital they felt very secure in having me birth there.
-The IP's were completely on board with my requests for "extras" which were for a complete chiropractic pregnancy package and the birth doula of my choosing since I am doing this naturally I think having a doula is important and I'm not just saying that since I happen to be a doula.
Since meeting these IP back in December 2012 and their now almost 2 year old daughter (she's SO adorable) I've met with them a few more times. They came up to meet my midwife, tour the birth center and to shop around the central Florida area for a fertility clinic. Even if they didn't go with me Orlando is home to some of the best IVF specialists in the country and since the rest of the other surrogates are spread out all over FL so it seemed like a good place to start their search.
I'll keep you all posted on future updates.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
little update
Tomorrow (Friday March, 8th) I'm having a lunch and touring my birth center with a potential couple. Its the same couple I met with back in December. They are coming up to Central Florida to shop for a fertility specialists, check out where I am planning on birthing and meet my midwife who owns the birth center.
Nothing is official yet, everything's still up in the air while we feel each other out some more.
On that note I've already bought myself a few maternity tops. I just cant resist a target clearance rack.
Nothing is official yet, everything's still up in the air while we feel each other out some more.
On that note I've already bought myself a few maternity tops. I just cant resist a target clearance rack.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Am I that adventurous.....
In the last week 3 friends of mine have sent me this article, A scientist has said it would be possible to clone a Neanderthal baby from ancient DNA if he could find a woman willing to act as a surrogate.
Now, I am all for the advancement of science and technology but this is taking it bit far. They are actually searching for a willing surrogate?!?! For those of you who don't know me personally may not know that I am the adventurous type. I'm not much for sky diving but I have a wild, spontaneous and an up for anything personality which makes me think at least one of those three friends were serious when they sent the link to me. I actually considered it.... for a second. Then I remembered that a child would be the end result. A child with no parents or siblings or family except the scientist in the lab they are confined to for life. What kind of life or childhood for that matter is that? From what I've read clones don't live long anyways. As much as I am pro-science certain things shouldn't be done and this is one of them. IVF is as close to "playing G_D" as I am willing to go. Cloning a human is a whole new level of wrong and I agree with it being illegal in most countries.
I hope no one steps up to do that. Some things should not be messed with and this is one of them. Next they will be attempting to clone dead historical figures or celebrities and THAT my friends is how a zombie takeover will happen.
Now, I am all for the advancement of science and technology but this is taking it bit far. They are actually searching for a willing surrogate?!?! For those of you who don't know me personally may not know that I am the adventurous type. I'm not much for sky diving but I have a wild, spontaneous and an up for anything personality which makes me think at least one of those three friends were serious when they sent the link to me. I actually considered it.... for a second. Then I remembered that a child would be the end result. A child with no parents or siblings or family except the scientist in the lab they are confined to for life. What kind of life or childhood for that matter is that? From what I've read clones don't live long anyways. As much as I am pro-science certain things shouldn't be done and this is one of them. IVF is as close to "playing G_D" as I am willing to go. Cloning a human is a whole new level of wrong and I agree with it being illegal in most countries.
I hope no one steps up to do that. Some things should not be messed with and this is one of them. Next they will be attempting to clone dead historical figures or celebrities and THAT my friends is how a zombie takeover will happen.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
ugh... I hate insurance companies
One thing on my agenda for the last few weeks was to find out if my health insurance had a surrogacy exclusion on it. Meaning they wouldn't cover anything related to the pregnancy unless it was my own baby. Sure enough that was the case. I had been dreading calling them because our policy was about to change at the end of 2012. We've had fairly good insurance with this same company for the last 10 years with no issues but this year the company decided to turn all their plans for my husbands company into HSA's which is a complete 180 from what we had previously. Even if my insurance company did cover it they would still have had to pay my LARGE deductible before the insurance would start paying anything.
The only silver lining here is that since I'm planning an out of hospital birth with a midwife the out of pocket costs are the same as my deductible. Now the labs and ultrasounds are a different story.
With that behind me I figured the next step was to hit the sale racks at Target for maternity clothes, seems rational right? At best I'll be implanting in 6 months, I see no reason to to get a few good deals now.
The only silver lining here is that since I'm planning an out of hospital birth with a midwife the out of pocket costs are the same as my deductible. Now the labs and ultrasounds are a different story.
With that behind me I figured the next step was to hit the sale racks at Target for maternity clothes, seems rational right? At best I'll be implanting in 6 months, I see no reason to to get a few good deals now.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
met with a potential couple
Just a few days after I made my announcement my agent called me (Lauren over at http://www.surrogatesolutions.net/ ) and said there is a couple who will be in my area for the weekend and asked if I was ready to start my search for the perfect couple? I was surprised it was going a bit fast but I'm not sure why I expected this process not to. I asked Laurent to "warn" couple about my crunchy side before they met me so we didn't waste each others time if they weren't willing.
I met with them at their hotel down at Disney and my awesome agent Lauren joined us for coffee. It was great having her there with us to be an ice breaker and to help guide the conversation where it needed to go as far as what we were both looking for in the "ideal surrogate/intended parents" because lets he honest, I have a list of things I wanted from my couple. I want them to be involved with the pregnancy and at the birth, updates after the baby is born, providing breast milk after is very important to me and I want an out of hospital birth. I also wanted to really love my couple since I was going to be going through something so intimate and personal. I also really wanted a Gay Jewish couple who were home birth friendly but I think I will be searching for years if I get that picky but I did put it out there.
I was certain this search would take years to find just the right couple so I wasn't optimistic when meeting with my first couple but kept an open mind. When having my first meeting with my agency I told Lauren that I was doing this because I wanted another pregnancy and the birth I never got to have with my kids, my home birth but birth center was just as good too. She told me that I should hold out for a couple who were open and willing to go along with my plan but I should stay flexible in case I end up with twins or a complication during pregnancy which I was.
The meeting went great although I freaked them out a bit at the end when I asked how they felt about me nursing the baby at birth. I was just seeing what they were comfortable with and where we make boundaries. They were OK with everything else but I told them since we were just having a meet and greet that nothing had to be decided then and there. The IP-intended parents were sweet and seemed like awesome parents to the 20 month old they already had naturally. I expected a couple with no kids so that information surprised me a bit but after hearing their story about an emergency hysterectomy and her almost dieing after birth due to what seems like another unnecessary medical intervention gone horribly wrong but I wasn't there or know enough about it so I'm not going to assume. Anyway, getting off my doula soap box now. There story broke my heart but they are so in love with their adorable daughter so much so that the dad got a bit giddy, pulled out his phone and started showing me photos of her and telling me about her.
One of my expectations when meeting THE couple for me was to fall in love with them immediately and leave knowing they were the ones for me. I didn't feel that way with them although looking back at that now maybe it was because they were OK borderline unsure of the birth center birth and breast milk but needed to think about it. Lauren and I spoke about my feelings as we walked back to our cars and I asked her to keep looking but felt that this couple was my best option because they wanted to put only 1 egg in at a time to avoid multiples. The best way for me to get my out of hospital birth was to make sure I had a singleton.I do like these IP's. I only met them once though so I can't say I love them yet.
Christmas was very soon so I was not expecting to hear anything from my agency for a while and wasn't sure they even wanted me, I may be willing to do this but lets face it, I am an acquired tase personality wise. You either like me for who I am or you don't so I wasn't expecting them to just fall in love with me either just because i have a womb for rent. I did hear back from my agent a few days ago and they did actually like me and were fine with my "demands". I haven't made any decisions and still want to meet with other couples but we'll see what the future holds....
I met with them at their hotel down at Disney and my awesome agent Lauren joined us for coffee. It was great having her there with us to be an ice breaker and to help guide the conversation where it needed to go as far as what we were both looking for in the "ideal surrogate/intended parents" because lets he honest, I have a list of things I wanted from my couple. I want them to be involved with the pregnancy and at the birth, updates after the baby is born, providing breast milk after is very important to me and I want an out of hospital birth. I also wanted to really love my couple since I was going to be going through something so intimate and personal. I also really wanted a Gay Jewish couple who were home birth friendly but I think I will be searching for years if I get that picky but I did put it out there.
I was certain this search would take years to find just the right couple so I wasn't optimistic when meeting with my first couple but kept an open mind. When having my first meeting with my agency I told Lauren that I was doing this because I wanted another pregnancy and the birth I never got to have with my kids, my home birth but birth center was just as good too. She told me that I should hold out for a couple who were open and willing to go along with my plan but I should stay flexible in case I end up with twins or a complication during pregnancy which I was.
The meeting went great although I freaked them out a bit at the end when I asked how they felt about me nursing the baby at birth. I was just seeing what they were comfortable with and where we make boundaries. They were OK with everything else but I told them since we were just having a meet and greet that nothing had to be decided then and there. The IP-intended parents were sweet and seemed like awesome parents to the 20 month old they already had naturally. I expected a couple with no kids so that information surprised me a bit but after hearing their story about an emergency hysterectomy and her almost dieing after birth due to what seems like another unnecessary medical intervention gone horribly wrong but I wasn't there or know enough about it so I'm not going to assume. Anyway, getting off my doula soap box now. There story broke my heart but they are so in love with their adorable daughter so much so that the dad got a bit giddy, pulled out his phone and started showing me photos of her and telling me about her.
One of my expectations when meeting THE couple for me was to fall in love with them immediately and leave knowing they were the ones for me. I didn't feel that way with them although looking back at that now maybe it was because they were OK borderline unsure of the birth center birth and breast milk but needed to think about it. Lauren and I spoke about my feelings as we walked back to our cars and I asked her to keep looking but felt that this couple was my best option because they wanted to put only 1 egg in at a time to avoid multiples. The best way for me to get my out of hospital birth was to make sure I had a singleton.I do like these IP's. I only met them once though so I can't say I love them yet.
Christmas was very soon so I was not expecting to hear anything from my agency for a while and wasn't sure they even wanted me, I may be willing to do this but lets face it, I am an acquired tase personality wise. You either like me for who I am or you don't so I wasn't expecting them to just fall in love with me either just because i have a womb for rent. I did hear back from my agent a few days ago and they did actually like me and were fine with my "demands". I haven't made any decisions and still want to meet with other couples but we'll see what the future holds....
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