Without further adieu...

After 6 days of taking home pregnancy tests and 2 rounds of blood work over this last week I can officially announce that,
I'm pregnant!!!

Even though we implanted 2 weeks ago today, I am 4 weeks pregnant.
Home pregnancy tests started on day 5 because I was told it may show up that early but apparently that is only if it was multiples. Day 10 I definitely saw a faint blue line. The little blue lines became
more prominent as the days went on.

I happen to be hosting a blessingway at my house just a few hours after I got my first positive pregnancy test. I didn't want to steal the mama's thunder so I kept the news to myself but I did tell a few close friends before and those who stayed later to help me clean up. I even had a glass of "wine" I sipped on to throw people off (for the record, it was juice and club soda only). That day was made so much more special for me because I got to share it with my close friends who have been so supportive and wonderful while I've been on this journey. I look forward to having some of them at my birth to support and help me through labor and postpartum.

Mid November we go in for our first ultrasound. My IPs are driving up from South FL. to be at the apt. with me and they are beyond thrilled.



day 10 home test

day 14 home test

transfer day!

Cookies, lotion, special fuzzy socks, a movie,
 snacks, fun stuff for the boys a home pregnancy test
 and a few other goodies for me
 

The day before our transfer my IP's sent me a bed rest care package with goodies and a movie to keep me occupied while I was on 5 days of bed rest/light activity. So sweet!

My transfer was scheduled for 11:30 but I was asked to arrive at 11am My sister dropped me off since I couldn't drive myself home. Lauren, my agent, was already there when I arrived at. We waited about an hour since they were behind but Lauren and had a lovely time chatting while we waited. Surprisingly I never really got nervous, just excited.



Right before I went back for the transfer

I went back, it was quick and painless. My nurses were great, we joked around and I got to watch the whole procedure on the ultrasound machine right next to me and it was amazing to watch.

Its it! Right after the procedure.

trying to stay horizontal for the ride home

My sister picked me up, got me lunch and took me home to start my 5 days of bed rest/light activity. She cleaned my house and helped with my kids for a while. She and my husband took great care of me while I was enjoying my 5 days of relaxation, naps and 4 seasons of 30 Rock on Netflix.




 

 

 

Here is the Embryo (under a microscope) the day it was implanted and the ultrasound image just after in was implanted.

 



In the center of the image is a while dot. That is the embryo in fluid after it was implanted into my lining.

 

 

 

its time!

After weeks of injections and lots of blood work they have now given us the go ahead. We will be implanting Thursday, October 10th at 11:30am.  (so next week.... EEK!)



Rachael (my sister) giving me an IM injection.
Please excuse the messy bathroom, my sister and I were
doing each others hair.

At first when I started the DelEstrogen my levels came back TOO low they said so a few extra doses were added and it was upped from .04mL to .06mL every 3 days. I though the IM injections would be tough because they seemed intimidating. I watched a few youtube videos like this one for help since I had to give it to myself a few times during the next few weeks. Mostly my husband or my sister administer it.

my basket full of meds

Several of the medications I'll continue to stay on even after the procedure and some will be replacing the current medications. I'll also have to add an antibiotic and an anti-inflammatory for the procedure as a precaution. Valium will be taken just before the procedure to "relax me and my uterus" I'd like to waive that one but I don't think I will.

oh uterus, wont you cooperate with us?

When I went in for my first round of blood work and ultrasound to see how the lining of my uterus was coming along after my first 2 doses (.02mL then .04mL 4 days later) they were not happy with my uterus.
I'm aware this is not the best image but if you look closely at the top of the image there is a thin white line in the center (I've circled it for you)
That's the lining of my uterus. not very thick and definitely enough to implant an egg in so we kept at it.

My doses of Delestrogen were upped to .06mL ever 3 days instead of just Tuesdays and Fridays or. 2 extra doses were added to our schedule before we rechecked every again.




I went in last week for that check and got some pleasant news, my womb was cooperating this time and the lining was at a 12.3. They want to see anywhere between a 8-12 before we can move forward. Here is the ultrasound that was at a 12.3. you can see that there are 3 distinct (well in this crappy photo they are blurry, sorry) lines but you can see where they took the measurement. No thin white line anymore!

time for meds

Once I started even the most basic of medications they have put me on for IVF the side effects started.

I began plain on birth control (DelEstrgoen based) mid August and immediately, I was exhausted every day. So sleepy in fact that a 2 pm nap was necessary. 2 weeks into the pill I added Lupron on top of it which seemed to only cause more pregnancy like symptoms. Food aversions, nausea and even digestive issues.

Notice the time needles for the Lupron

The Lupron, which is meant to temporally put me into menopause, started giving me very mild hot flashes once in the evening and always between 9:30 and 10pm. After a week with the over lapping of the 2 meds I dropped the pill which gave me back my energy and I didn't feel the pregnancy symptoms, which I might add, were never that bad during my own pregnancies. The only thing left was the mild hot flashes each night. The Lupron is a daily Sub Q (in the tummy fat next to my belly button) injection with a small insulin needle so not really any discomfort. These were low doses to be taken each morning They were just to temporally shut my reproductive system down, no ovulating, no uterine lining growth and best of all, no visits from my annoying Aunt Flow.  We had some issues with bloodwork that put me in a holding patter for a few extra weeks. Along with the issues with the labs they kept forgetting to run some. I had to go back 4 times for labs and Nik had to go back twice.
They kept me on the Luporon without starting the DelEstrogen so it pushed our Implantation date back. The big day supposed to be Sept. 19th but now were are playing it by ear dealing with the lab issues.



Note the large needle for the DelEstrogen.

The lab issues were so frustrating that I was starting to feel that surrogacy was not going to happen which really upset me. It seemed to take forever and there was a lot of arguing with the IVF clinic over their silly policies, red take and barricades they kept throwing up at us. Eventually we got it all worked out and immediately started DelEstrogen IM (in the butt cheek) injections every 3 days. We started out with a low dose but immediately my food aversions and nausea began. Once I began this medication we lowered my dose of Lupron to encourage my lining to thicken. I figured the hot flashes would subside after that but I had 3 days or random intense long hot flashes and always at bad times like in the middle breakfast out at a restaurant but after those 3 days they stopped and the pregnancy symptoms came in full force thanks to the DelEstrogen.

One medicating telling my body its pregnant and another telling my body its in menopause made for an interesting month....


Protocol, going AMA and more paperwork...

So Nik and I went in last week to get my protocol, sign all the legal stuff for CRM and map out the scheduled for meds and implantation.

Now that was out of the way we ordered my meds. Continue on birth control, Loupron, baby aspirin, Delestrogen, Progertrogen in oil before implantation which should be on or around September 19th (wow, thats 1 months away, EEK!).

The meds arrived Friday during a board meeting I was hosting. (thats Sammy behind me)

Everything needs to be organized and separated. There are 6 different kinds of needles and syringes, each medication came with 2 different kinds of needles and they all get stuck in different places around my body, Oh fun!

(TMI alert!) As of right now I'm only on birth control and I've already had some weird side effects already. The first 6 days I was on it my sex drive went way up, day 7 and on the sex drive went away and I became very lethargic. Naps have been a necessity already and I'm only on birth control so far. I am honestly nervous how my body is going to handle Loupron. I've never been medically forced into menopause before so this should be interesting. I'm very sensitive to hormones so I'm glad they will be monitoring my levels and doing ultra sounds regularly.
Loupron begins in the morning (Monday, Aug. 19th) and its Sammy's first day of VPF too.

The first thing our Dr. went over was that she'd decided that I needed a hysteroscopy to remove a "tiny imperfection at the bottom of my uterus" She said that it was probably just a tiny polyp and that we should go ahead and remove it just because it makes our success rate better for implanting. Ummmm, what!?!?! After being told by the Dr., who did my HSG (in the same practice), that he "gives my uterus an A++ even with the tiny imperfection" I was a bit confused. We looked over the HSG image and talked about how with the pin head sized possible polyp, we have a "less than 10% chance it will affect the success of embryo implanting" really.... less than 10% it will even affect anything at all, thats not a very scientific statistic. I'm a facts and evidence based medicine kind of girl so you can bet red flags were going up. "its probably a polyp and less that 10%". So it may not even be a polyp. Those procedures are done while on your cycle so its possible that the imperfection (basically a spot that didn't fill in during the HSG) could have been a blood clot.

If you look closely you can see the "imperfection" look at the bottom left corner near the cervix. Its a little 

lighter than the rest. its about the size of a pin head. The procedure would cost them about $1400 out of pocket too.
With all of this information I took it back to my IP's. I gave them the "statistics" they gave me and the cost along with my concerns about how this came out of no where since my HSG was months ago and we got the all clear. I also asked the nurse at CRM to call my IPs to give them more details just so that I'm not just giving them my views on it but told them I'd be more than willing to have the procedure done if they wanted me to.
The next morning my IP's contacted me telling me they were torn over it and asked me my thoughts. I'm a birth doula so I tend avoid medical procedures and medication when I can so I  was completely honest when I told them I though it was excessive and unnecessary and as it turns out, so did they. We decided to go against AMA (against medical advice). I called Lauren, our agent, and filled her in on everything. Apparently thats common for fertility specialists to over a hysterscopy just before starting meds. Its a way to pad the bill and to get a better view of the uterus for the big day. She said no one ever goes AMA and that she was proud of us (she's a natural mama too). Apparently they were a bit surprised by our going AMA that they called my IPs just to be sure.

Here we go!

Started my hormones Tuesday night. I'm taking birth control to build up my estrogen levels before I start Lupron. We See Dr. Jaffe for our final IVF appointment to select and order my protocol on Monday Aug. 12th.

starting the pill on Sunday

I go in on August 12th (first day of school for Benji) for my final IVF apt. to get my protocol before we start meds. My cycle starts this Friday (Aug 2nd) so I will have to wait until September to start on any medication, or so I though. I received a call from our agent Lauren about the dates and meds. She suggested I call and talk to the Dr.'s nurse and ask if they can start me on birth control now or when my cycle starts on Friday instead of waiting another 30 days. What a great idea, why didn't I think of that!?!?
Birth control was called into my pharmacy right away and I should be starting them on August 4th or 5th as opposed to September 4th or  5th. doesn't seem like a huge deal but thats 4 weeks sooner we can go the IVF procedure and assuming if the embryo takes it puts me at an earlier "due date".
I did get word that out of the 8 viable embryos only 3 survived the freezing process. Lets hope it takes on the first try.

Back on track for IVF

A few weeks ago I posted about having to postpone IVF till November.  The IPs called me yesterday telling me they have decided to forgo the extensive testing for the specific gene they were looking for since the statical odds are in their favor of the baby not having the gene they were originally concerned about. They are still doing regular genetic testing which has a 2-3 week turn around which means I can start IVF as soon as I go in for my protocol which will hopefully be next week.
In the mean time I'm trying to fit all the dental work I've been putting off. 2 crowns this month and my 1 wisdom tooth out hopefully in a few weeks because I don't want to be in the throws of IVF while dealing with pain medication and oral surgery.

8 lil embryos, growing in a dish

The IPs were in town yesterday for their egg retrieval and I just received a message that 14 eggs were retrieved (I'm sure there is a joke about laying eggs in there somewhere) and 8 were fertilized.
I'm so excited and looking forward to being pregnant by the end of the year.
and now we wait.....

I spoke too soon....

A wise man once told me "If you want to hear G_D laugh, say our plans out loud"
In my last post I mentioned that the egg retrial process has begun for the IP's and I would be starting meds soon which meant I should be pregnant with in the next 8 weeks. Less than 24 hours of me announcing that we hit our first bump in the road.
I received a call from our nurse at CRM (our IVF Dr.s office) this afternoon while I was at a playdate. She called to tell me that since the IPs are doing genetic testing on the embryos that the lab that does the testing on them is back logged by 14 weeks. This means that I cant even start my part in the IVF process for another 2-3 months minimum and implanting in the next 4-5 months assuming there are not any further delays. The nurse said this service usually has a 2 week turn around which is why we did not expect the delay but apparently genetic testing on embryos has become standard practice now with families doing IVF so they are backed up. I was also told that its only become that way in the last month or so. The nurse called me because the IP mom was nervous to tell me so the nurse offered to break the news instead. They were afraid that I might think they were blowing me off or they had changed their minds or something so she thought he nurse could explain it better than she could. I messaged the IP mom as soon as I got off the phone with CRM to tell her I was not upset or feeling blown off. It does put me at a end of my pregnancy in the dead heat of summer which was what we were trying to avoid but in the end a healthy baby is what matters so waiting to get the testing done was more important than me living in my pool for my last trimester. Its not like I'm doing this for the money and antsy to get paid so waiting a few extra months is no big deal. These things take time.

I got a call from the IP dad today too while I was still at the playdate. He had to make a decision on something important that he could have done on his own and with the attorney but instead he called to see how I felt about it since it did technically affect me indirectly and wanted to let me make the call. I know this is technically a business arrangement but it goes beyond that and I'm so glad I found a couple who feels the same way, treats me as an equal with dignity and respect and not hired help.

I came across a blog tonight. Its a blog that a surrogate and her IP mother did together and they happen to be Sister-in-laws. Its so beautifully done and the IP had a similar story to my IP's. In the end the surrogate gave birth to twins.
A belly for me A baby for you
Check it out.
It will be a while before I have any updates not that we are just playing the waiting game.
Have a good summer!

Mock transfer yesterday

Yesterday was the mock transfer. It took all of 45 seconds and everything went well. No discomfort except a slight pinch when she pulled the catheter out. it was LONG. This is it still in its sterile packaging.

A mock transfer is a preparatory procedure that will help the fertility doctors establish where the embryo will go and when the actual placement of the embryo will happen.

Read more: http://www.fertilityproregistry.com/article/in-vitro-fertilization-what-is-a-mock-transfer.html#ixzz2YnDNyIQ5

I go in Monday for my final IVF appt. to select a protocol and order meds. EEK! In theory I could be pregnant in the next 2 months. 

whats the hold up!?!?!?

Its amazing how much bureaucracy goes into these things. We had an easier time with the legal stuff than we are having with the IVF clinic. I have to go back in for a 2nd round of blood work because they forgot to tell me about 3 other things they need and now they need Nik (my husband) to get a bunch of blood work too. Mine came back 100% perfect so I'm surprised they need my husbands too. Luckily I have a midwife friend that lives close by who I've been bribing with bottles of wine to do our blood work for free and to pass down her lab discount to my IP's. Surrogacy is an expensive process so every penny counts.

On top of the blood work the IVF clinic won't allow us to start until they have the contract from our attorneys on file but not the actual contract, a summary that the attorney has to write up separately since they are not allowed to see the contract but they only asked for that this week when the IPs went up to start the egg retrieval process.When the IPs went in last week to the IVF clinic the said I should have been on meds weeks ago with the time line we had aimed for yet they still won't even see me until they have the rest of the stuff listed above even though they have all the important blood work results from the lab already.
 ugh..... so much red tape!

On a better note I've started hording maternity clothes. I only have a few things left over that were worth keeping from my own pregnancies and luckily I do get a budget for maternity clothes but I'm starting basically from scratch. I've had some friends give me some hands me downs and I've lucked out with target and Khols so far but all of me grows when I'm pregnant so from bras to shoes I have some more shopping to do. No complaints here!

the contract has been signed!

Contracts are signed and we a re ready to go. There is nothing holding things up now. I wanted to thank the attorney's office who blew me off. Had they not I would not have found the most amazing, caring and passionate fertility attorney in Central Florida. Karen Persis was fast, made my case a priority and has a true passion for surrogacy and fertility in general. I'm so glad I found her.
I got everything I asked for in the contract and the IP's and I are on the same page about everything so it all went smoothly. 

HSG procedure

This is my uterus on an X-ray with dye to show if I have any blockages or issues that need to be avoided during implantation. You can see my fallopian tubes on the sides of them. so cool!

Its early June and I had to go into to get this done today. I'd heard the procedure was not a pleasant experience. Honestly it was easier than a well woman exam. I do have some spotting now and am leaking some of the fluid they inserted in my uterus but besides that and some light cramping it was easy. They wouldn't let me bring anyone in the room with me or  let me take pictures during the procedure but here is me in my surgery gear before hand.

Lots of good things happening

SO many things to update you all on. Last month Nik and I went for our psychological evaluation. The Dr. was a LMHC here locally who deals with fertility issues in families. It was so laid back and low pressure. I've been told that some couples are put through a personality profile test and a counseling session. This was just like a counseling session with basic questions to make sure I wasn't going to have attachment issues with the baby after and try to steal it, what kind of support I had with in my family and friends or that this process would make my marriage fall apart. Once we were given the thumbs up by the DR. we were ready to move on to the physical stuff. Later that afternoon Nik and I went to an IVF seminar that CRM the IVF clinic makes every family go to that use them. The IPs went too and Nik got to meet them for the first time. We sat through the boring seminar with a TON of other couples who were about to start the IVF process too. After the seminar the four of us went out for dinner. We hit it off wonderfully. I've known the IP's since December 2012 but have only gotten to spend time with them 4 times before so it was really nice getting to know each other when we are not touring birth centers, meeting specialists and going over specifics. a few days later I went in to meet our IVF specialists Dr. Jaffe. She and I hit it off immediately. She though I was a perfect candidate to be a surrogate health wise and personally since "She's a doula AND Jewish, she's perfect!" I'm quoting the Dr. who had noticed my Star of David necklace and she herself happen to be Jewish.

The month prior the IP's had come to town to find an IVF specialists and interview the midwife I had chosen. They loved her and were excited to have all of that out of the way especially after having a difficult time finding an IFV DR. who was willing to keep appointments after the IPs had driven up from Miami just to interview them. We had our IVF clinic, Midwife and birth center chosen.
Big Thank you Tree of Life Birth and GYN for accommodating me and my IPs on your day off and between births to meet with my out of town IP's. Kaleen Made such an impression on them and are looking forward to working with the Tree of life staff.

Our big announcement

I have "my family"!!
We've decided to get through all the screenings and contract/financial negations before we announced it but we have gone through everything now with no issues so I can officially announcement that we are all systems go with the IP (Intended parents) and ready to proceed with the IVF process next month. with any luck I shoud be pregnant by August or September. I'm not going to use their names in this blog to protect their privacy. I am beyond excited to start and I'm bonding so well with the IP as I had hoped I would.

More updates coming very soon!

Is this MY couple?

Its may now (2013). Mothers day is this Sunday and my birthday (5/17) is just a few days after that. LOTS of things have been happening in the last few months that I have, for the most part, kept to myself and close friends.

Back in December I met with a potential couple. Just a few weeks later I got a call that they liked me and wanted to proceed with using me as their surrogate if I would have them. While deciding if they were the couple for me I weighed the pros and cons.
Cons,
-I had only met them once and meeting someone once doesn't give you enough to go on if they are "the couple" to carry a baby for. They were so sweet and loving and their story of infertility was heart breaking but were they MY couple?One 2 hour brunch was not really enough to go on.
-Another con was, they had already had a successful natural pregnancy and now a beautiful 2 year old girl from it. I guess the image I had in my head of the couple was a childless one so that took some time for me to get past as well.
-Also at the time they were not sold on the idea of a birth center birth but were open to being persuaded.

Its a small con list and honestly, nothing on that list was a deal breaker or even really a big deal. My Pro list is fortunately much longer than the con.
Pro's
-The Intended Parents (IP) only wanted to put in one egg at a time. The mother lost her uterus in an high intervention birth with her daughter just 18 months prior. She does still have her ovaries and since she had no problems getting pregnant the first time and is young and healthy, she has nice healthy fresh eggs which give us a good chance of getting pregnant the first try with just the one. This is important to me because if I end up carrying multiples I can no longer deliver in a birthing center since my #1 wish was an out of hospital birth. Also should it be more than just twins I was not going to allow selective termination which is common for more than twins. That's just not something I'm comfortable having on my conscious.I'm not judging those who have, its just not for me. I've lost a baby before in pregnancy and I think that would do more harm for me emotionally.
-Because of having a having an high intervention birth just 18 months prior they wanted someone who was going to go at the pregnancy in a more natural minded and healthy way than most do. Since I'm a birth doula thats kind of my thing so we are a good fit there.
-Having the embryo's genetically tested before implanting was also high on my list. I didn't want to have to be worried about carrying a baby that may end up unhealthy for whatever reason and later have them make the decision to terminate the pregnancy because of it and try again.
-They want to be involved in the pregnancy process as much as possible and wanted to bond and have a relationship with me and my family which was one of my hopes for this. I don't want to be just a "womb for rent" for a family, not have involvement or keep in touch after the baby is born which I hear does happen.
-The IP have a big loving, supportive extended family living very close by and who want to be involved in all of this too which I think is wonderful since I am not close with anyone in my family except my sister.
-They (after meeting my midwife and touring the birth center I have chosen Tree of life birth center ) loved my midwife Kaleen and were completly on board with the out of hospital birth. They said she had such passion for what she does, trusted her skills and she had a beautiful office and birth center and that since the birth center was so close to the hospital they felt very secure in having me birth there.
-The IP's were completely on board with my requests for "extras" which were for a complete chiropractic pregnancy package and the birth doula of my choosing since I am doing this naturally I think having a doula is important and I'm not just saying that since I happen to be a doula.


Since meeting these IP back in December 2012 and their now almost 2 year old daughter (she's SO adorable) I've met with them a few more times. They came up to meet my midwife, tour the birth center and to shop around the central Florida area for a fertility clinic. Even if they didn't go with me Orlando is home to some of the best IVF specialists in the country and since the rest of the other surrogates are spread out all over FL so it seemed like a good place to start their search.

I'll keep you all posted on future updates.
 


 

little update

Tomorrow (Friday March, 8th) I'm having a lunch and touring my birth center with a potential couple. Its the same couple I met with back in December. They are coming up to Central Florida to shop for a fertility specialists, check out where I am planning on birthing and meet my midwife who owns the birth center.
Nothing is official yet, everything's still up in the air while we feel each other out some more.

On that note I've already bought myself a few maternity tops. I just cant resist a target clearance rack.

Am I that adventurous.....

In the last week 3 friends of mine have sent me this article, A scientist has said it would be possible to clone a Neanderthal baby from ancient DNA if he could find a woman willing to act as a surrogate.  
Now, I am all for the advancement of science and technology but this is taking it bit far. They are actually searching for a willing surrogate?!?! For those of you who don't know me personally may not know that I am the adventurous type. I'm not much for sky diving but I have a wild, spontaneous and an up for anything personality which makes me think at least one of those three friends were serious when they sent the link to me. I actually considered it.... for a second. Then I remembered that a child would be the end result. A child with no parents or siblings or family except the scientist in the lab they are confined to for life. What kind of life or childhood for that matter is that? From what I've read clones don't live long anyways. As much as I am pro-science certain things shouldn't be done and this is one of them. IVF is as close to "playing G_D" as I am willing to go. Cloning a human is a whole new level of wrong and I agree with it being illegal in most countries.

I hope no one steps up to do that. Some things should not be messed with and this is one of them. Next they will be attempting to clone dead historical figures or celebrities and THAT my friends is how a zombie takeover will happen. 

ugh... I hate insurance companies

One thing on my agenda for the last few weeks was to find out if my health insurance had a surrogacy exclusion on it. Meaning they wouldn't cover anything related to the pregnancy unless it was my own baby. Sure enough that was the case. I had been dreading calling them  because our policy was about to change at the end of 2012. We've had fairly good insurance with this same company for the last 10 years with no issues but this year the company decided to turn all their plans for my husbands company into HSA's which is a complete 180 from what we had previously. Even if my insurance company did cover it they would still have had to pay my LARGE deductible before the insurance would start paying anything.

The only silver lining here is that since I'm planning an out of hospital birth with a midwife the out of pocket costs are the same as my deductible. Now the labs and ultrasounds are a different story.

With that behind me I figured the next step was to hit the sale racks at Target for maternity clothes, seems rational right? At best I'll be implanting in 6 months, I see no reason to to get a few good deals now.

met with a potential couple

Just a few days after I made my announcement my agent called me (Lauren over at http://www.surrogatesolutions.net/ ) and said there is a couple who will be in my area for the weekend and asked if I was ready to start my search for the perfect couple? I was surprised it was going a bit fast but I'm not sure why I expected this process not to. I asked Laurent to "warn" couple about my crunchy side before they met me so we didn't waste each others time if they weren't willing.

I met with them at their hotel down at Disney and my awesome agent Lauren joined us for coffee. It was great having her there with us to be an ice breaker and to help guide the conversation where it needed to go as far as what we were both looking for in the "ideal surrogate/intended parents" because lets he honest, I have a list of things I wanted from my couple. I want them to be involved with the pregnancy and at the birth, updates after the baby is born,  providing breast milk after is very important to me and I want an out of hospital birth. I also wanted to really love my couple since I was going to be going through something so intimate and personal. I also really wanted a Gay Jewish couple who were home birth friendly but I think I will be searching for years if I get that picky but I did put it out there.

 I was certain this search would take years to find just the right couple so I wasn't optimistic when meeting with my first couple but kept an open mind. When having my first meeting with my agency  I told Lauren that I was doing this because I wanted another pregnancy and the birth I never got to have with my kids, my home birth but birth center was just as good too. She told me that I should hold out for a couple who were open and willing to go along with my plan but I should stay flexible in case I end up with twins or a complication during pregnancy which I was.

The meeting went great although I freaked them out a bit at the end when I asked how they felt about me nursing the baby at birth. I was just seeing what they were comfortable with and where we make boundaries. They were OK with everything else but I told them since we were just having a meet and greet that nothing had to be decided then and there. The IP-intended parents were sweet and seemed like awesome parents to the 20 month old they already had naturally. I expected a couple with no kids so that information surprised me a bit but after hearing their story about an emergency hysterectomy and her almost dieing after birth due to what seems like another unnecessary medical intervention gone horribly wrong but I wasn't there or know enough about it so I'm not going to assume. Anyway, getting off my doula soap box now. There story broke my heart but they are so in love with their adorable daughter so much so that the dad got a bit giddy, pulled out his phone and started showing me photos of her and telling me about her.

 One of my expectations when meeting THE couple for me was to fall in love with them immediately and leave knowing they were the ones for me. I didn't feel that way with them although looking back at that now maybe it was because they were OK borderline unsure of the birth center birth and breast milk but needed to think about it. Lauren and I spoke about my feelings as we walked back to our cars and I asked her to keep looking but felt that this couple was my best option because they wanted to put only 1 egg in at a time to avoid multiples. The best way for me to get my out of hospital birth was to make sure I had a singleton.I do like these IP's. I only met them once though so I can't say I love them yet.

Christmas was very soon so I was not expecting to hear anything from my agency for a while and wasn't sure they even wanted me, I may be willing to do this but lets face it, I am an acquired tase personality wise. You either like me for who I am or you don't so I wasn't expecting them to just fall in love with me either just because i have a womb for rent. I did hear back from my agent a few days ago and they did actually like me and were fine with my "demands". I haven't made any decisions and still want to meet with other couples but we'll see what the future holds....